Sacred Grief
- Kylee Gies
- Mar 26, 2025
- 5 min read
“Where there is sorrow, there is holy ground” ~ Oscar Wilde
Dear Tender Hearts, ❤️
May this find you embracing the warmth of the sun and inviting in the vitality being offered to support you through the seasons. May this message also find you tapping into the fire of creativity burning inside as the days begin early and end late. May you be feeling what is abundant in your life and not lacking........all of this while experiencing grief too.
I have been contemplating grief yet again as my son's death day approaches on Aug.23rd. It's not the exact day that gets me, it's usually the month leading up to it. Every fiber of my being deeply knows the intimate reality and deep ripple effects of that day.
Even though I have alchemized a lot, grief will always be there in whatever shape or form it reveals itself. Am I ready? I know more each day that I was born ready for this moment! As I lean into my narrative again, a sense of deep gratitude rises for the space of equanimity as a raw and compassionate survival tool in life.
Oliver's death has showed me how grief is deeply sacred. This isn't something we learn in school or can comprehend from the outside. It's something we experience authentically in our own way when something 'happens' and we begin, yet again, to explore the 'sacred dwelling' within.
Below is a writing piece that is in my 'grief garden' on my website. I felt compelled to share this with you today. To encourage contemplation on these questions:
"What is grief?"
"How is it showing up for me?"
"What am I doing to help move grief energy?"
"Why is grief sacred?"
"What is it teaching me?"
This profound questioning promotes the growth we are seeking. May you find a gem in this short writing and feel inspired to ask yourself these questions and to journal what is revealed in your heart. 'Re:Member'. 🍓
Blessings, Love, and Strength,
Kylee 🦉
Grief Doula | Creative Grief Support
Owner, Sacred Dwelling Healing Arts Center
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
~ Joseph Campbell
What is Grief?
So, what IS this feeling called ‘Grief’? We intrinsically know when we are experiencing ‘IT’, however this question can stump us as we search for the words to describe this universal, yet highly personal experience that exists deep within our hearts. ❤️ Our minds want to make logical sense of grief, however our hearts tend to map a different story.
Loss is one of the hardest things we are faced with in this life. Nonetheless, death, pain, and suffering are often defined as something that we should avoid at all costs in the modern Western World. We have packaged and pathologized grief as something taboo or as something to ‘get over’ as quickly as possible. We are conditioned to turn away from or suppress our pain. Furthermore, we are often encouraged to ‘stay positive’ or to ‘look on the bright side.’
However, if we bypass our feelings of grief, it will persist until it is ‘acknowledged’ and ‘tended to’. The load can feel heavy and get even heavier if we don’t lean into the healing process of integrating grief with vulnerability and remembrance through our own life stories. One thing is for certain, the path is non-linear and has uncontrolled qualities that require us to make sound choices as we navigate our own suffering and path toward wellness. What will you choose for yourself?
How is Grief Sacred?
Life is precious and being on a grief journey is just as precious! Both are Sacred. This may seem counter intuitive, like, “What?#*!”
When we are grappling with the complexities of life and facing a challenge that seems insurmountable, it can feel like there’s no way out of despair, grief, and pain. We can get stuck in crevices that exude holding patterns of confusion, hopelessness, and unbearable suffering. This is completely ‘normal’ life stuff when facing adverse situations! I’ve been there like many.
And yet, I’m living proof, like many, that It’s possible to become whole again by leaning into the depths of sorrow and relentless life lessons. Within the first year after my son, Oliver’s, tragic death, the last thing I was thinking is how sacred the grieving process is. I was exhausted, heartbroken, and semi-dysfunctional. However, I was acutely aware of the profound mystical experience I was having amidst my existential crisis about the meaning of life and its unfair wrathful nature.
“How could this kind of suffering possibly be a ‘sacred’ human act divinely apart of natural Universal Law?”
Grief and loss invite you to consider why people live, why people die, and what gives life meaning and purpose. Seven years into walking the path as a bereaved Mother, I propose the question, “Why wouldn’t such suffering be considered sacred?” Maybe ‘light’ wouldn’t exist without the ‘dark’. Maybe ‘birth’ wouldn’t happen without ‘death’. Maybe we wouldn’t be able to truly feel and share love if we didn’t know it’s tragically beautiful opposition. Grief, despite its dismantling forces, inspires this kind of deep contemplation and surrender, which is sacred and ultimately serves us in the pursuit of living a joyful life.
Grief connects us to the divine for the very reason that it can continually take us to our knees pleading for love and support from a force greater than ourselves. It can strip us of everything we thought was ‘real’ and require us to examine our values and beliefs in order to reshape them into alignment with our hearts. That’s if we really want it and choose to be an apprentice and healer of our own ‘sacred grief’ journey.
“Amongst the oldest peoples it has been said that grief and gratitude are, but two sides of the same mandala called Love, and are so intertwined that if we suppress our grief for too long, we also lose our ability to love fully.” (Josea) And yet, enduring grief and meeting its rawness can feel unbearable without support, connection, and community.
No doubt, suffering changes you. It’s a force you learn how to not run away from. If you can do that (and you can!), you’ll learn how to live through what you thought would destroy you. If you let it, what happens to you becomes fuel for something new. ∞ Grief is truly sacred.
“Each trial, every loss, is an opportunity for you to meet suffering with love and make of it an offering, a prayer.” ~ Mirabai Starr
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