Avoiding Grief is Like a Novocain Shot

Kylee Gies
Sep 15
3 min read

I had to go to the dentist the other day to get some work done on my teeth. The older I get, the more anxious I feel about the whole process of poking, prodding and drilling! Yikes. It takes energy to talk myself down and build myself up by saying, “I can do hard things.”

The Dentist gave me a few shots of Novocaine (general term usage here) as I lay in the dentist chair with my cool glasses on, waiting for the tingling numbness to kick in. When she started the drill and I couldn’t feel a thing, I felt so grateful for the local anesthetic. What a miracle! “Thank God” I thought! Since there were no movie glasses like the kids get (bummer!), I began mantra meditation to get through the consistent resonance of the drilling.

Regardless, I was laying there thinking, “who would ever want to be a dentist and work so closely in people’s mouths. If you are a dentist reading this, mad respect to you! We would be a very toothless society without your skills and knowledge. And we would have serious nerve pain in our mouths.

People can go to great lengths, sometimes for lifetimes, to run from the feelings and sensations of their deepest wounds. As a bereaved Mother, I 100% deeply understand why one doesn’t ‘want’ to feel the depths of unbearable pain. Nobody ever truly wants that, so repeatedly taking ‘the Novocain shot’ makes sense. There is no shame in this part of the process. I’ve been there.

There was a time when I couldn’t wait to smoke another cigarette, pour a night cap to get to sleep, and pack my schedule to ‘stay busy’. Subconsciously, I thought if I kept moving and filling myself with stimulants and sedatives, then I wouldn’t die from this insidious heartbreak. “If I go there, I might die.”

Joseph Campbell reminds us through his wisdom that,

It sounds good, right?

Is it true?

Have you experienced it?

Have you stepped off the precipice with curiosity to see for yourself?

How bad do you want it?

Or more so, how bad do you need it?

All worthy questions to contemplate.

The reality for us all is that, ‘the Novocain shot’ undoubtably wears off. What’s left to greet us is the pain we worked so hard to get away from. Dr. Joan Catatori says, that “We can hide from grief, but we can’t hide from the consequences of hiding from grief.” It couldn’t be more true. Grief is natural law just like breathing sustains human life. We can’t hide no matter how hard we try.

The truth in my own story, is that a part of me did die the day my son passed over. Existentially, parts of me continued to die after that day and still cyclically do. What I know now is that the act of being present with it, honoring it, accepting it, and letting it go is possible! It’s an authentic process, without a timeline, that’s well worth the journey toward liberation and growth. The compost itself provides nourishment, strength, awareness, will power, and the inspiration to truly

live.

No doubt, being in the muck is a necessary part of the dance but choosing to rise to the surface when it’s time, is where we learn to let a part of ourselves die and fly once again. Our precious lives and those we love depend on it!

What do you do when the dentist says, “if you don’t start flossing and taking care of your gums, then you might need a root canal.”? If you do end up getting some dental work, the pain may harshly remind you to take care of your precious teeth or you may lose them. :)

Wherever you are in your grief process is okay. No judgement here. This musing is meant to be a nudge to remind you to remember how important it is to tend to grief instead of avoiding it! AND that you ‘can do it’! All of us are built to do it from the inside out!

If you find yourself needing a capable companion or community circle to support you and walk the journey with you, Sacred Dwelling is an available loving option.