'Forget Me Nots'

Dear Tender Hearts, ♥️

The month of May holds space for that special day called ‘Mother’s Day’. It is full of beauty and love. However, it doesn’t feel so special to all mothers or those experiencing the loss of a mother. The reasons for this are vast indeed. I want to honor both sides of that coin today in this writing. I also want to compassionately and knowingly recognize the tender heart of bereaved Mothers.

As I ride my lawnmower around our yard, I begin to feel that wound of not having my dear Oliver physically here playing in the yard with me. It’s a deep feeling full of longing, love, sorrow, grief, and warmth. I ask myself, “What would my life be like if Oliver was here?” This question will never be answered. I’ve learned to not spend too much time in the depths of this question. Instead, I admire the beauty of the endless ‘Forget Me Nots’ surrounding Oliver’s totem pole.

It will be nine years this Fall of moving through this bereavement journey. There are many mountains and valleys that have been traveled. Also, with copious amounts of ‘Forget me Nots' revealing themselves. All of them, both wrathfully and peacefully, have taught me something about how ‘Death is a teacher, and grief is a practice’.

Oliver is not here, but I feel him in my heart and the hearts of my family every single day. It’s not just my memories or wishful thinking; his energetic spirit is literally alive within me. He has become a teacher for me in my healing process. There are no words to describe this kind of connective phenomena when our loved ones pass over. It’s a part of the magic and great mystery of life! It’s also extremely personal and authentic to our own circumstance and meaning making in the world.

Oliver 8 mos.

If you are a bereaved Mother (in all shapes and forms) or somebody who has lost someone you love dearly, I offer you compassionate support, life experience, and some effective coping skills to ‘help you help yourself’. Grief is a personal journey, and no two people will experience it the same way. At Sacred Dwelling, we understand how important it is to find healthy ways to navigate grief. Remember, you are not alone. 💜

1. Acknowledge Your Grief

The first step in healing is acknowledging your emotions and how grief visits you. Grieving isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a natural response to loss. Allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, or confusion without judgment. This takes courage and effort, which you have! Avoid suppressing your feelings, as this can delay the healing process.

Tip: Find a way to give yourself permission to be with grief and self-compassionately tend to your needs. I would sometimes remove myself from my environment so I could go have that cry or emote what was passing through. Other times, I decided to do it in public without care. Inevitably, grief would also ooze out of me without regard to my choice. ALL OF IT, acknowledges grief, which supports your heart.♥️

2. Prioritize Self-Care

Grief can take a toll on your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Focusing on your needs and remembering to prioritize yourself is one of the most impactful things you can do when you are suffering deeply.

Do your best to:

• Get enough sleep and eat nourishing foods

• Exercise, even if it’s just a short walk. Getting fresh air goes a long way.

• Practice relaxation techniques like meditation or deep breathing. Take a sauna or warm bath.

• Taking care of your body is essential for emotional healing. Remember, self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for Transformation.

3. Reach Out for Support

You don’t have to face loss alone. Surround yourself with family, friends, or a supportive community that understands your pain. Talking with someone who listens without judgment can ease emotional burdens. Seeking the type of support that works for you when you need it is a BRAVE ACT.

Many clients have expressed to me that the people they feel closest to, don’t know how to support them or they feel misunderstood and judged. Some straight up disappear from your life (I know this one well. ☹). Finding the right fit for support is important.

At Sacred Dwelling, we offer Grief Doula Services for individuals and groups along with community wellness workshops and events that are designed to help you on your journey. It’s an opportunity to connect with self and others. This sense of community can provide comfort during difficult times and along the way.

4. Create Meaningful Rituals

Rituals can help you honor your loved one’s memory while bringing a sense of connection and peace. These rituals don’t have to be elaborate; they can be as simple as:

• Lighting a candle. Daily if needed. I lit an oil lamp candle for a year straight after Oliver passed over. The candle was a central piece to a small window altar where my whole family could see it and be a part of it. The fire also represented a part of me tending the spark still in my heart.

• Planting a flower or a tree in their memory and watch it grow. I planted the ‘forget me nots’ eight years ago and now the wind has carried them all over the yard.

  
  

• Looking for nature items that represent your person(s) or how you are feeling that day. Heart rocks have been a gift for me in potent moments of alignment in nature. They have brought so much joy when I find them.

• Creating a shadowbox with special memories. My heart sings when I see Oliver smiling in a photo. It can take time with photos. Take your own pace when visiting them.

Ultimately, Rituals help you celebrate your loved one’s life while allowing you to process the pain of their absence. It welcomes therapeutic experiences that give you a good dose of heart medicine. 💜

These coping skills are a few central resources that have helped me over these past years. What they look like and how they present themselves change as I continue to evolve with grief's teachings and practice.

I hope just the idea of them can offer something to support you this Mother's Day and beyond. 💜

May you find some peace in your heart and plant some ‘Forget me Nots’. They bring such joy!

Photo Credit: Soul Photography

If you are seeking support to help guide your way through, Sacred Dwelling has your back. You can book a free discovery call with me, check the grief page and/or check out our upcoming events.

You can also read a blog post here about "The Only Way is Through".

Blessings and Love,

Grief Doula | Creative Grief Support

Owner | Sacred Dwelling Healing Arts Center

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